The things that we do to get away from it all. Life is never as we expect sometimes. Sometimes what is familiar and foreign, can corner us in uncomfortable situations where gasping for breathe is as painful as feeling suffocated. We'll do anything to go from to pain to pleasure. That's how we operate. No one wants to be uncomfortable. And if you're in that state long enough you either give in, accepting this as the way of life, or find a means to escape no matter how ethical, unethically, conventional, unconventional, simple or complex. One way of escape for me was numbing myself through eating, which I never realized until I had a a more expanded consciousness.
Growing up wasn't easy. My parents did the best they could and stressed to me always "work hard" all the time. Discipline and labor was the name of the game. And struggles came right along the same alley. I took up many roles growing up, which later caused a strain but overall I am grateful for all that I experienced. Putting others first became second nature, and my identity was tied to common labels that our present society embraced. I never really expressed my voice and exploring this didn't come fully until I left home for school. Even after being away for school for four years, and coming back home, some of the limiting beliefs I learned in my early days were so ingrained I felt stuck in so many ways.
Going from an engineering degree graduate to quitting my first engineer job a year later, at the crux of the economic meltdown has been quite an experience, so far, that I would never trade. (More of that in another post if you want) I have found out early on that eating was nemesis for me, because of the stigma around it growing up. And it became one of a few ways I "numbed" myself from not wanting to deal or embrace the pains or pleasures of life.
I became more aware, after committing to being open to all that life was trying to express to me through people, places and things I encountered. It wasn't until some time, until I realized one of the clever mechanisms my body used was eating as a comfort mode when I wasn't hungry. I call this "mindlessly eating" because I was never aware of this except for the problem, stiutation, or event in my mind. Was not conscious of it, until after the fact and was like - "Oh shit, when did this hurricane attack my kitchen?!" Many other people may have experienced this. Usually stress, anxiety were main triggers. But sometimes I would be happy, or excited and if was near the kitchen - forget about it. I happen to be discipline by nature, but this was no man's land. I couldn't even access any part of me to stop me from eating. It was sooo automatic. Looked harmless from the outside - my family couldn't tell - I never gained extra weight, but it was a frustrating point to be especially since I had certain expectations for myself.
The worse part was that it crippled my creativity and my ability to be productive when I needed to be. Imagine seeing your life as you would have it, having small successes, having people supporting you, but not able to interact because you're looking at life from ....the outside. You're never fully there. Always missing crucial deadlines. Procrastinating to the "T". I definitely had some low points. Taking my life became frequent mental options.
A few of these low episodes finally got home and in my heart and it wasn't until I went back to what I knew worked for me, like meditating, allowing life to express through synchronicities that I began to understand I don't have to struggle alone or at all. Coming out of this 'trance' which I think may people are in, could not have been possible without being & living in the present. Comprende? Basically not thinking on the past or being hung on the future, but living, thinking, being aware of this moment. Of course I also thank tools I've picked along the way from successful leaders, and conversations with my coach. There's nothing more amazing than to take the courage, for yourself sake, in getting advice from someone who has more wisdom than you do. And my goodness, I got more than advice, I got some breakthroughs.
Ultimately what came up for me was the necessity of relating back to my inner child, as a friend would be a friend to a friend. If you're completely new to the word "inner child" its basically a younger version of you. So having a great relationship with yourself, your inner child, or highest being or soul, is reflected in the quality your life whether in - health, relationships, career, finances, personal development.
Treat yourself horribly, ignore it, react to impulses of daily life instead of responding, or be driven by the constant fluctuations of fear & emotions and life isn't so pretty I bet. This is no joke, whether you think its far-fetched or not. The quality relationship you have with yourself, specifically the inner child can effect the quality of your current life. Not coming to terms with yourself if you experienced something as a child, whether you're conscious of it or not, will show up in various ways in your life. But life is ours to create as we please, right?...
Anyway, I'm at a point where music is taking center stage again, thank God! Its always glorious to do something you love each day, cause you and I owe it to ourselves. Otherwise, why are we here? I haven't totally cured my tendency to seek some comfort food when I'm anxious, but I have tools that I use that are bringing me closer and closer! Whew. If I may just a tad....tool #1 asking & staying in the questions ie: "What would it take for me to be calm before I played the piano?" (pause be still) "What is this situation trying to teach me right now?" "What is my body trying to tell me, right now?" "What I am doing to create this reaction from this person right now?" "If everyone I meet is a mirror, what is this person teaching me right now that I need to love/tolerate/embrace about myself?" OR
tool #2 Pause. Stop. Breathe consciously for a good moment. OR
# 3 Relating back to my inner child to find out whats going on.
These are just few I wanted to share. You'll find that over time - yes good things sometimes take time - you become stronger and in more control. What would it be like to have life on your terms? Or to respond to life no matter what it brings & take you to the next level?
Do onto others as you would to yourself completely.
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| Source: National G |
Growing up wasn't easy. My parents did the best they could and stressed to me always "work hard" all the time. Discipline and labor was the name of the game. And struggles came right along the same alley. I took up many roles growing up, which later caused a strain but overall I am grateful for all that I experienced. Putting others first became second nature, and my identity was tied to common labels that our present society embraced. I never really expressed my voice and exploring this didn't come fully until I left home for school. Even after being away for school for four years, and coming back home, some of the limiting beliefs I learned in my early days were so ingrained I felt stuck in so many ways.
Going from an engineering degree graduate to quitting my first engineer job a year later, at the crux of the economic meltdown has been quite an experience, so far, that I would never trade. (More of that in another post if you want) I have found out early on that eating was nemesis for me, because of the stigma around it growing up. And it became one of a few ways I "numbed" myself from not wanting to deal or embrace the pains or pleasures of life.
I became more aware, after committing to being open to all that life was trying to express to me through people, places and things I encountered. It wasn't until some time, until I realized one of the clever mechanisms my body used was eating as a comfort mode when I wasn't hungry. I call this "mindlessly eating" because I was never aware of this except for the problem, stiutation, or event in my mind. Was not conscious of it, until after the fact and was like - "Oh shit, when did this hurricane attack my kitchen?!" Many other people may have experienced this. Usually stress, anxiety were main triggers. But sometimes I would be happy, or excited and if was near the kitchen - forget about it. I happen to be discipline by nature, but this was no man's land. I couldn't even access any part of me to stop me from eating. It was sooo automatic. Looked harmless from the outside - my family couldn't tell - I never gained extra weight, but it was a frustrating point to be especially since I had certain expectations for myself.
The worse part was that it crippled my creativity and my ability to be productive when I needed to be. Imagine seeing your life as you would have it, having small successes, having people supporting you, but not able to interact because you're looking at life from ....the outside. You're never fully there. Always missing crucial deadlines. Procrastinating to the "T". I definitely had some low points. Taking my life became frequent mental options.
Ultimately what came up for me was the necessity of relating back to my inner child, as a friend would be a friend to a friend. If you're completely new to the word "inner child" its basically a younger version of you. So having a great relationship with yourself, your inner child, or highest being or soul, is reflected in the quality your life whether in - health, relationships, career, finances, personal development.
Treat yourself horribly, ignore it, react to impulses of daily life instead of responding, or be driven by the constant fluctuations of fear & emotions and life isn't so pretty I bet. This is no joke, whether you think its far-fetched or not. The quality relationship you have with yourself, specifically the inner child can effect the quality of your current life. Not coming to terms with yourself if you experienced something as a child, whether you're conscious of it or not, will show up in various ways in your life. But life is ours to create as we please, right?...
Anyway, I'm at a point where music is taking center stage again, thank God! Its always glorious to do something you love each day, cause you and I owe it to ourselves. Otherwise, why are we here? I haven't totally cured my tendency to seek some comfort food when I'm anxious, but I have tools that I use that are bringing me closer and closer! Whew. If I may just a tad....tool #1 asking & staying in the questions ie: "What would it take for me to be calm before I played the piano?" (pause be still) "What is this situation trying to teach me right now?" "What is my body trying to tell me, right now?" "What I am doing to create this reaction from this person right now?" "If everyone I meet is a mirror, what is this person teaching me right now that I need to love/tolerate/embrace about myself?" OR
tool #2 Pause. Stop. Breathe consciously for a good moment. OR
# 3 Relating back to my inner child to find out whats going on.
These are just few I wanted to share. You'll find that over time - yes good things sometimes take time - you become stronger and in more control. What would it be like to have life on your terms? Or to respond to life no matter what it brings & take you to the next level?
Do onto others as you would to yourself completely.
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